TB. ADMIN
I Just Wanted a Hug
When I was a kid, I spilled a glass of juice on the carpet. I was maybe six. My dad yelled so loud, I remember my ears ringing more than the mess. I didn’t get comfort. No hug. Just silence after the shouting.
Now I have a toddler who knocks things over daily. The other day, she dropped her cup, and for a second, that old memory came rushing back.
But I took a deep breath, got down to her level, and said, “It’s okay, sweetie. Let’s clean it up together.”
She smiled. And something in me softened.
I realized then—I wasn’t just comforting her. I was finally comforting the little version of me who never got that hug.
Raise Your Child, Heal Yourself
Becoming a parent changes everything. You’re suddenly responsible for another tiny human who depends on you for love, safety, and guidance. But what many parents don’t expect is how much parenting stirs up memories, emotions, and even wounds from their own childhood. As you rock your baby to sleep or navigate your toddler’s tantrums, you might hear echoes of your own past. This is where a beautiful opportunity presents itself: parenting your inner child while raising your own.
What Does It Mean to Parent Your Inner Child?
Your inner child is the part of you that holds the emotions, needs, and memories from your earliest years. It’s where your most tender emotions live — your joy, curiosity, fear, loneliness, and longing for love. When you parent your inner child, you acknowledge that part of yourself with compassion and care, giving it what it may have missed long ago.
Why This Matters When You Become a Parent
Becoming a parent often brings back memories of how we were raised, influencing how we now care for our own children. If we never felt heard, we might struggle to listen patiently. If we were criticized harshly, we might repeat that pattern without realizing it.
Tending to your inner child isn’t about pointing fingers at your parents. It’s about becoming more conscious and intentional so you can raise your children with empathy and awareness and give yourself the same grace in the process.
1. Notice Your Triggers
Children are experts at finding our emotional buttons — not out of malice, but because they mirror back our unhealed parts. If your child not listening makes you disproportionately angry, or their whining makes you feel powerless, ask yourself: When have I felt like this before?
This is often your inner child speaking. Maybe you were ignored as a child, or punished for expressing emotions. Instead of shaming yourself for reacting, pause and offer your younger self some kindness. Say silently, “That was hard. No one should have gone through that alone.”
2. Talk to Yourself Like You Talk to Your Child
Imagine your inner child sitting beside you, looking up with big eyes, unsure and needing comfort. Would you yell at them? Probably not. You’d offer a hug, reassurance, and patience.
Try to extend that same kindness to yourself. In moments of mistake or stress, try not to be hard on yourself. Say, “I’m doing my best. This is hard, and it’s okay to not have it all figured out.”
This self-talk creates emotional safety inside you, which helps you create the same for your children.
3. Break Generational Cycles With Compassion
Many of us say, “I’ll never be like my parents,” but end up repeating their behaviors under stress. This doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means those patterns run deep.
To break cycles, notice them without shame. If you yelled and later regret it, instead of spiraling in guilt, tell your child, “I’m sorry I yelled. I got really frustrated, but you didn’t deserve that. I’m working on being more gentle.”
Repairing after conflict is powerful for both your child and your inner child. You’re rewriting the story that mistakes equal rejection.
4. Re-Parent Yourself in Daily Life
Parenting your inner child doesn’t have to be a big ceremony. It can be in the small moments:
- Letting yourself rest when you’re tired, instead of pushing through.
- Eating food you love, slowly and without guilt.
- Journaling about a memory and writing the response you wish you’d received.
- Listening to your needs and honoring them, even if no one else did growing up.
These acts say to your inner child, “I see you. You matter.”
5. Let Your Child Teach You
Children are naturally curious, open-hearted, and unashamed of their needs. Watching your child can reconnect you to the part of yourself that once danced freely, cried without apology, and asked a million questions.
Let yourself join them. Dance in the living room. Ask “why” again. Be silly. Play. That joy isn’t just for them — it’s for you too.
6. Find Support on the Journey
You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to a therapist, connect with other parents, or open up to someone you trust. Sometimes just saying, “I never learned how to handle anger in a healthy way” can open the door to healing.
There’s no shame in having wounds. Every parent does. The difference is when you choose to face them with love instead of burying them.
7. Create the Home You Always Needed
Think about what you longed for as a child. Was it more hugs? Calm voices? Time to talk and be heard?
Now, try to offer that to your children. You’ll find that while you’re giving it to them, a part of you is receiving it too. This is how healing works: one bedtime story, one deep breath, one gentle response at a time.
Parenting Is a Mirror and a Gift
Raising a child is a chance to revisit your own beginnings with fresh eyes. It will test you. It will bring up old pain. But it will also soften you, open you, and give you the beautiful chance to become the parent you always needed.
So as you care for your little one, don’t forget to care for the little one inside you, too.
You both deserve to be loved, seen, and held.
From all of us at Total Bump, we hope this journey brings you not only joy as a parent but healing as a human being. If this article spoke to your heart, leave a comment below or share your story — we’d love to hear from you.
If you’re interested about more parenting tips check this article: Essential Tips for New Parents and Advice Every Mom and Dad Need
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